Making Rejection Work

Carnegie Library in Moline

I decided to delve into the history of the Moline Public Library (in Illinois) since I was already enjoying their slide show of patrons with their favorite books.  But first I had to find out where it was.  Moline is dramatically perched on a bluff between the Mississippi River and the Rock River 165 miles west of Chicago.  It’s part of the Quad-Cities that span the border to Iowa and 13% of the entire Nation’s Population live within 300 miles.

The development of Moline all started with a dam on the Mississippi that powered a mill that brought industry to town.  The river and dam were a powerful combination for manufacturing in the 1800s and they caught the eye of guy name John Deere.  He set up shop in Moline (originally ‘Moulin’, French for city of the mills) in 1848.

By the late 1800’s Moline was hopping.  The new train line brought cars full of Swedish, Belgian and German immigrants, eager to work hard and take care of their families and ‘ John Deere Town’ grew at a fast pace.

At the Moline Preservation Society I learned that it was not Deere but Wheelock Spellman of the Moline Plow Company that helped the town with their first library by renting them space in 1872.  The Ladies Lecture Committee celebrated the opening with their annual Strawberry Festival.  By the turn of the century the library had expanded to several floors in Wheelock’s building but it was clear they needed a building of the own.

W.A. Jones of the Daily News secretly wrote a letter asking Carnegie for a new library grant.  In his letter he described Moline as “comparatively poor” and explained that to get to their current library patrons had to cross several train tracks.  At the library they were plagued by smoke from a nearby library.

Believe it or not, Carnegie said, “No”.  He though there were plenty of wealthy citizens in Moline that could donate funds for a new library.  W.A. Jones must have been crushed and a little embarrassed about his secret mission.

Rejection hurts.  Sometimes it’s a slap in the face and other times its a punch to the gut, but it never feels very good.  The difference between feeling stung and devastation comes from how we handle the feedback.  

• Everyone gets rejected.  Even the ‘beautiful people’ who look like they have it all have dealt with rejection during their life - it just comes with the experience of being alive.  Accept that you will be criticized or dissed, accept that not everyone will like you or admire your work, accept that you will be rejected and it won’t come as such an unpleasant surprise when it happens.  When you do encounter a person who doesn’t like you, remind yourself that their approval doesn’t matter.

• Rejection, or constructive negative feedback, can help you change course and improve yourself.   I remember a principal I had several years ago telling me that my teaching was dry and dull.  She pointed out that my colleagues were much more animated and could hold their student’s attention and interest.  As a quiet introvert I knew my teaching approach wasn’t very exciting but, I thought, I made up for it in the individualized attention I gave the kids.  First I was defensive and made excuses, then I took her rejection and turned it into a challenge; what could I do to be more animated?  Over the years I got more comfortable “putting on a show” during my lessons, my confidence increased and I knew I was a better teacher because of her blunt critique.

• Stop thinking about it.  Analyzing, worrying and obsessing about rejection only makes it worse.  You will drag yourself into the slough of despond if you give the rejection of others so much power.  They are just another person, possibly with different values, beliefs and experiences, their opinion does not have the power to enslave your thoughts.  Force yourself to do something that will divert your attention (reading, going to a movie, working in the garden, cooking) and then move on.

• Try again and again and again.  People who have achieved success today have all overcome rejection in order to get there.  They were not welcomed with open arms on their first, second or tenth attempt - they were rejected but they did not give up.  It took 38 tries for Margaret Mitchell to get Gone With The Wind published - 38!  Here’s a list of author rejections that will remind you to keep trying when someone says no. 

Try again is exactly the advice that W.A. Jones gave himself in 1901.  He wrote back to Carnegie and asked him to rethink his decision.  Carnegie reconsidered and changed his mind, granting Moline $37,000 toward the construction of a new library.  It would be the beginning of the library’s influential role in Moline that continues to teach and inspire its residents today, 110 years later.  

Crumple up life’s rejections, pull out a fresh sheet of paper and move forward.