How To Find Your Future

photo from Simple Kids

The title of the New York Public Library’s new book is “Know Your Past and Find Your Future”.  A perfect motto for libraries as they struggle to find their place in our rapidly changing culture.  The libraries that I’ve gotten to know this year are finding their future as community gathering places, models of environmental design, resource hubs, job search centers and providers of technology (and yes, they still have some books).  But because they know their past they continue to serve as windows to the world for their patrons, offering innumerable ways for people to learn, connect and grow.    

I wondered how the idea would cross over to the personal realm.  Often we ‘know’ our past too well, it becomes a burden instead of a blessing.  And it can be even harder to “find our future”.  It’s not like our future is just sitting out in the world somewhere with our name on it, waiting for a pick up (wouldn’t that be nice?).  There are so many choices, so many paths not taken...how can we tell if we are on the right track?

• Start with your values - what is important to you, what are your beliefs, what do you hold dear?  Figure this out before you go any further.  If you don’t know your values you won’t be able to honestly evaluate your choices.  There is a great career values checklist at Arizona State University’s website. If you want to start from scratch with all your values try Douglas Wagner’s checklist.  It allows you to select traits and then narrow them down to arrive your core set.

• Is you life in line with your values?  If it is then you’re on the right track and you probably feel pretty happy, congratulations!  If not, you need to do some thinking, and make some adjustments to the areas that are offline.  Maybe your personal life is in sync but your job make you feel like a fake.  Or maybe you have a great relationship with your spouse but you’re not connecting with your children.  Pinpoint the areas that are outside of your value comfort zone. 

• If your past is painful let it go.  It’s over.  No amount of crying or wishing will change anything that has happened.  The only thing you’ll do is ruin you present moment and limit your future.  Blaming yourself, or others won’t change the past, it will just make you miserable.  Be vigilant about your thoughts and don’t let negative memories get in your way.

• If your past is comforting than use it to spur you forward.  Many years ago, when I taught preschool, I was introduced to a teacher/guru named Bev Bos.  I went to see her talk about her community school in Roseville California.  Her school, books and music embody the creative, imaginative, open spirit and during the workshop she sang to us.  I have never forgotten the lyrics to one song (and I forget everything), “may your memories wrap their arms around you, may your childhood take you by the hand.  And may what you remember find healing when it hurts and your memories protect when they can.”

• Think about what you loved to do when you were a kid.  Experts offer this advice because it cuts through all the “shoulds” and “coulds” and reminds you of things that you really enjoy.  Think way back to what you gravitated to as a child...art, sports, books, babysitting, making money, adventure?  Try to pinpoint what part of the activity you really liked; were you any good at it?  If you liked it and you’re good at it then its a great career avenue to explore.  If you liked it and you’re not so good at it, do it for fun!

• Stop thinking so much and say YES to anything that makes you happy, then do it.  Sometimes too much introspection is paralyzing and can hook you into a downward spiral.  If you’re doing something (anything) you enjoy it will make you feel better and often opportunities will start opening up.  This will get you headed down the path to a future that fits your values and makes you feel good to be alive.

Reading makes me happy, so I’m taking action and heading to the porch to enjoy some essays in “Know Your Past and Find Your Future”.