Win-Win Thinking

The treatment of Native American people in our country is heartbreaking.
It doesn’t matter what part of the country you pick, from New York to Florida to Oklahoma, the behavior of our government and our citizens has been appalling.  The mother of all the atrocities committed against Native Americans was the Trail of Tears.

• 46,000 Native Americans were forced off their land, tribe by tribe, in southeastern US.
• Thousands died of starvation, disease and exposure during a tortuous forced march to the Indian Territory (now Oklahoma).
• 25 million acres of Native American land, in the southern US, was opened for white settlement.
• 50 years later their new Indian Territory was pulled out from under them and and given to settlers during the land run.

When Europeans arrived in their ‘new world’ they saw opportunities everywhere, and like little kids in a candy store they started grabbing everything they could get their hands on.  They had many choices along the way.  They had a choice between competition and cooperation.  They had a choice between peace and war.  They had a choice between domination and collaboration.  They had a choice to work on a win-win agreement or a zero-sum victory.  They consistently choose the latter, leaving death and destruction in their wake - I suppose that is what conquerors do, they conquer.
But we no longer need to conquer, it is old news.  And we can choose better way.

Win-win thinking (Steven Covey’s “habit #4” from his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People), explains a different approach.  Win-win “result in mutual benefits for all parties”, everyone looks for a chance to help each other, not just because they’re nice but because it feels right and good AND they can still get what they want.   Zig Ziglar famously said, "you will get everything in life that you want if you just help enough other people get what they want."  Conquering is unnecessary.

When you win and someone else loses, it might feels good to come out on top momentarily, but a bitter taste is leftover.  But if you look for a way to win that allows, or even helps, others to win, you still get what you want, plus you feel good, and it ratchets the experience up to a new level (think of the Grinch’s heart).  It doesn’t mean turning into a saint, either.  Remember you want to win too, you just don’t have to do it at the expense of someone.

You’ll need a few ingredient for the win-win game:   

• Integrity - stick to your values and beliefs, if it feels right it probably is.
• Maturity - speak up but be considerate of other people’s feelings.
• Abundance Mentality - remember there is enough for everyone. 

Greed and power are not on the list.
What can we do to help others win (besides giving Oklahoma and major sections of the Southeastern US back to the Native Americans)?  A million little things each day:

Let a car into traffic, smile and saying good morning to everyone you pass, buy someone a coffee, tell a joke, hold the door, really listen when other people talk, walk away from gossip, put off what you want to do for 15 minutes to help someone else, share your discoveries (or your cookies) - almost every action you do involves the choice to help other win or to just look out for yourself.

Try it for a day, I promise you will feel better, and I bet you will still get everything you want (or more) AND so will someone else.

Then maybe Steven Covey could stop by for a chat with Bureau of Indian Affairs Director, Michael S. Black and see what we can do about Oklahoma.